Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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