Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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