8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Randomize
