Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Randomize
