my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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