whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize