can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
