...so i touched it.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
