Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
