I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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