Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
