and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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