I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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