She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
