WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
