Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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