I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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