How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
