At least make sure they are 18
Why
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
