When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
