so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
