my vag is so smooth its legendary
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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