just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
