I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
