so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
