Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
