Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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