What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
