NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
