I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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