hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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