I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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