is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
