Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
