How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
