JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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