do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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