You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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