I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
