you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
