I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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