Duck Duck Cougar?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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