true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
my poor anus
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
His nipple licking is glorious
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