I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
