maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
pop tarts are not kleenex
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
