ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Randomize
