My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
