I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
