dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
