my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
