so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
The best revenge is premature balding
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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