Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
