at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
