Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
