dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
