Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Still dying that you shit outside
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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