I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
