i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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