hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
