I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
