Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
