theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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