Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
