dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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