OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
