Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
