I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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